by Elroy Willis
PROVO UTAH (EAP) -- Alarmed by rumors of the Gillette company introducing a new "Zeus" razor for men, Mormon activist groups in the Provo area began organizing picket lines outside local supermarkets yesterday. The groups are asking female shoppers to stop buying the current "Venus" razor for women that Gillette is currently marketing.
"They've already got one razor named after a pagan goddess, why do they wanna name a new one after a pagan god?" spokespeople for the activist groups said when asked why they were picketing the supermarkets.
A recent TV ad by Gillette which tempts women viewers to "release the goddess in you" was met with boos and catcalls during a recent meeting of Utah Christians who keep an eye on the media and product advertisements on television.
"They're stepping over the line with the Zeus razor idea," said Roy Ingramson Jr., leader of one group of Mormons who call themselves "Protectors of Morality."
"We got upset about the Venus razor when it first came out, but we held back our protests in the interest of free enterprise, but this Zeus razor idea is going way too far," he said.
"We were able to stop the Trojan company from marketing a condom called 'Zeus' a few years ago, and we think we can influence the people at Gillette to drop the whole idea of some 'Zeus' razor if we put on enough pressure with our picket lines and boycotts," Ingramson said.
"My daughter came home from the store yesterday with one of those Venus razors and while she was shaving her legs with it, she said she had some sort of epiphany," said 55-year-old Mary Mangrum, who admitted that she's upset that some company would have the nerve to name razors after pagan gods."
"Why not just create a single razor for both men and women and market it as the perfect 'God razor?' What's with all this gender stuff?" Mangrum asked reporters and the people at Gillette.
"Heaven knows what might happen if my son gets a hold of my daughter's 'Venus' razor and is turned gay as a result," she said.
"I felt shivers up and down my spine as I thought about some boy rubbing his hands on my smooth bare legs and moving them up and down," Mangrum's daughter said in a telephone interview.
"I have really thick leg hair, and this new Venus razor is just amazing. I guess I take after my Dad instead of my Mom when it comes to leg hair," she said.
"My husband and I really didn't like the whole idea of our daughter shaving her legs in the first place, because the Bible doesn't say anything about it, but we didn't want her to look like an ape girl when she shows part of her legs in public. She has a deep voice for a girl her age, so we had to make a compromise," Mangrum said.
"After our daughter shaved her legs, she said she wanted to go out dancing to meet some boys to show off her legs, but we wouldn't let her go. She was obviously still under the control of some evil spell of Venus, who was well-known for seducing men and being a real cosmic hussy."
"Our son is only twelve, and when it comes time for him to start shaving, my husband and I hope that this 'Zeus' razor idea is just a bad memory. We're gonna tell him that Zeus had a long beard and even show him some ancient pictures of Zeus, just to prove it to him. We can mention Jesus too, if we need to, since Jesus was also depicted with a beard," they said.
When asked for comments about their line of razors and shavers and what they choose to name them and all of the attacks they've received in the past, an anonymous spokesperson at Gillette said:
"Just be glad that companies like Gillette give you ways to get rid of all your unwanted animal hair. If not for companies like Gillette, people would have to run around looking like cavemen and cavewomen or wild hairy animals."
*This was just my way of bringing razor burn into the community. Yeah, 'cause sometimes i get the urge to write a post about it and then forget. Mebbe this can open the door to talking about it. =D